Dear Marc, 

Thank you for your documentary The Kingdom on the Pentecostal movement in Australia and the rise and fall of Hillsong. Thank you for sharing your story so openly. 

I’d like to respond to your personal reflection at the end (No doubt, you know what you said, but for others listening in):

“As the music swells, my entire body just clenches up. It’s like literally transported back to being 15 years old. Because, what happens is, you go in there and everyone else around you is having these big sort of emotional spiritual moments and their hands are up in the air. And I just feel nothing. I just feel, like, so empty. It has always bothered me. 

And I think it has just reminded me just how much of my life I spent sitting in these places and feeling like everyone else is having this big moment. And you’re just like. There is nothing here for me.’  

If I feel nothing, everyone else in the room is either lying and they’re putting on an act. Or there is a God and he is powerfully speaking through every single one of those people. And he has actively chosen to ignore me. And that is worse. And it kinda hits you. It’s really unwanted on a, like, cosmic level.' 

These are powerful thought-provoking words. And no doubt, some of those hearing these words will think, ‘Yes, why have I been coming to this church and feeling nothing? Perhaps, the whole thing is a lie or maybe God doesn’t love me.’ And others, ‘Yes, I knew it was all a sham.’

But what if the entire premise behind this reflection is wrong? What if God is not known and experienced primarily by these big spiritual emotional moments? What if the level of emotion that someone feels is not a direct indicator of their spiritual connection with God? What if it isn’t about how much we feel love for God but how much he feels love for us?

A crucial idea of Pentecostalism, as your documentary put its finger on is that God is known experientially. What if this is wrong?

I think it is wrong. As revealed by the Bible, the love of God is not firstly known by a flood of feelings but by a fact, something that God has done for humanity in the history of the world. Below, the apostle Paul makes his case for the love of God:

But God proves his own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5 verse 8, CSB)

The historical cross event is proof of God’s love. It is something God has done for us. 

Let’s lean into the emotional and experiential state of those that now know this love. This love is shown to those who were still sinners. They weren’t feeling a rush of love for God or a deep emotional connection. Rather, our spiritual state was a disaster. We were the helpless, the ungodly and the enemies of God, as shown in the surrounding Bible verses. Our emotional connection with God was at best apathy, if not enmity. If we felt anything it was hatred toward God.  

But God wanted us, humanity, on a cosmic level. So, to help us see his love and understand it the creator God came as God the Son, took on human flesh and went to the cross to overcome this enmity in us and enable us to stand in his love. 

Jesus, in his iconic words, says the same thing, if only we would listen. 

 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16, NIV)

Jesus argued that God’s love is shown and seen by himself being given up for us. And those that put their trust in him (believe in him) will not perish but know God himself (John 17:3) and be with him into eternity. 

Perhaps, for some, understanding Jesus’ death for them will lead to a big emotional moment. But nowhere in Jesus’ words does the receiving of God’s love depend on big emotional moments or hinge on a hands-in-the-air spiritual connection. 

If our relationship with God was founded on our emotions wouldn’t our relationship with God be perpetual unstable? One moment our emotions can be lifted high by a song on the radio and then seconds later they plummet as a car cuts us off in traffic. Our emotions are inherently unstable being buffeted about by events and our responses.

Is a person more loved by God when they are on an emotional high and less loved when they are angry, afraid, bleak, or despairing? Wonderfully, the objective reality of the cross says no. And so, every person has a basis outside of themselves so they can know that God loves them even when their emotions vary. 

And the wonder of this, in my experience is that as we keep reflecting on the life of Jesus given for us, the reality of God’s love impacts our hearts and shapes our emotions. It is the cross that proves God’s love for us. It is the cross that means a person can be in God’s love even when we do not feel or love as we should. 

Given this, though you might feel you don’t belong in a Pentecostal church meeting, this does not mean God does not want you to belong to him. The life and death of Jesus Christ is God calling out to you that he loves you and wants you to come to him. 

Now, of course, there is a response to God’s love that Christianity teaches. But is something far more demanding than a flood of good feelings. It is obedience. We need to listen to what Jesus teaches about himself and respond to that. For he speaks for God.

 “If anyone loves me, he will keep my word. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. The one who doesn’t love me will not keep my words. The word that you hear is not mine but is from the Father who sent me. (John 14:24-25, CSB)

Marc, though you’ve given up on Pentecostalism, God has not given up on you. Find him through Jesus, the one who reveals God's love for us. Find a church where success is defined by what Jesus teaches about himself and, not by anything else. 

Warmly yours
Glenn Hohnberg